“wife”

I wrote this entry yesterday, but it somehow ended up in the wrong blog! 

I looked up what it says in the dictionary for “wife.”  Thankfully, nothing too incriminating there: “a female spouse.”  I’m almost disappointed, having expected something about the qualities of “wife” against which I rebel. 

I am not sure why I’m so obsessed with this whole wife role in the first place.  MrH certainly doesn’t have any strange expectations of me.  The other night he told me that the best wife I could be, was the same as being the best “MrsH” I could be (he actually used my first name).  While that’s sweet, I’m not sure how to live that just yet.  Doesn’t being married to this man mean that we put each other first, ahead of our families and other friends?  But after myself, I suppose.  I have spent so much of my life putting others ahead of me, that it’s hard to know how to not do that, and still love him.  I think that I have often shown my love for others by delaying my own needs. 

Well, it’s complicated, and writing about it isn’t helping me right now.  Maybe next time…

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