Good Girl Time

When we got married, we made vows in front of God, our families, and friends, promising to forsake all others and be devoted entirely to each other.  I take those vows extremely seriously, and pray that whenever the day comes that I have to choose between my husband and another person (and there is no middle ground), I will clearly, lovingly, and joyfully choose my husband. 

In the meantime, I also incredibly value my girl friends.  I was having coffee with one of them tonight and we just had the greatest conversation.  It reminds me that having friends who have some similar and some different thoughts is not just important to me, but to my marriage as well.  By challenging certain behaviors, cycles, and beliefs that I hold (either strongly or loosely), such close girl friends help me to grow in how I live marriage.  Affirming others helps me to feel known and loved and to continue on the path.

A woman who is very close to me had a husband who felt threatened by her time with girl friends (including me).  I used to feel hurt by this, but now I realize that the appropriate feeling would have been fear for my friend (the marriage didn’t last).  He wanted her to be 100% on the same page as he was with no room for disagreement; as a result, time with her friends wasn’t a time to explore new ideas about marriage and the world.  Instead, it became a time for her to affirm her loyalty to her husband and “their” beliefs.  Even then, he didn’t trust this loyalty existed and guilted her into spending less time with her friends.

In my view, that’s the opposite of what happens in a healthy marriage.  In a healthy marriage, we spend time with our friends; we explore new ideas and bring them back for exploration with our spouse; we re-prioritize and see our lives from a new perspective.  I thank God every day for blessing me, and my marriage, with girl friends with whom that is possible.


1 Comment

  1. alissa said,

    January 5, 2007 at 2:40 pm


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