Being Needy

I was just doing some browsing and just happened upon this “are you too needy?” quiz.  Being the quiz-taking sucker that I am, I took it and somehow ended up with a “below zero” score.  The comments were: “Were you abandoned as a child?  You certainly act like you were.  Develop some independence, or your partner will tell you to get a therapist.”  Ouch. 

At least I wasn’t: “can you spell co-dependence?  Or do you need your honey to look it up for you?”  Although somehow that’s a higher score.

So not to put too much stock in these quizzes, but I have been known to wonder about my levels of neediness.  At one point while we were still dating, MrH and I had a really great conversation about that.  At the time it was a bit devastating (if that’s possible), because I was still very much in a place where I was trying to balance being the quiet, just follow along pleasantly, type of woman that is often desired, and the more loud-mouth, opiniated woman that is oft-revered.  Would you believe that at one point in my life, I realized that whenever I was with a guy and he asked “what would you like to do?” my only answer was a starry-gazed “oh anything, honey, I’m just so happy being with you.”  GAG!!!  For years I practiced knowing what I wanted and being able to say it.  Nowadays I sometimes take people by surprise; apparently I’m too forceful. 

On the other hand, I’m such a relational person that just hanging with my hubby is often my preferred activity.  I like his attention; I enjoy hearing his voice; snuggling up on the couch; sharing secrets; feeling close.  Sometimes that makes me needy, and sometimes there’s just reciprocal niceties.  There’s a fine line there though, and when I get too used to the idea that he’ll get up out of bed to get me a glass of water, I start doing it myself again.  In that respect, it’s sort of like my continually-fed coffee addiction.  But I stray.  In the end, I hate being needy: so reliant on him that I can’t or won’t do it myself.  On the other hand, I love being taken care of when it’s not quite necessary.  Ultimately, I need and maintain many different relationships, but the one with MrH is still my favorite. 

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2 Comments

  1. bov said,

    February 15, 2007 at 1:18 am

    Dude, that test is lame. There’s only like 5 questions. Screw one up and you’ve already failed. Not to mention I took the test twice, changed my answers completely but I still got the same demoralizing score.

    Still, to your point… I totally agree. BEING needy is no good, but having someone who is willing to take care of you is pretty sweet.

  2. amycat said,

    February 25, 2007 at 10:15 am

    I got the same answer that you got. Pathetic test!


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