Being Sick

This isn’t one of those self-pitying posts (“I’m sick and I hate my life and nobody cares and please leave me a comment because then I’ll know you care!”)  But there are some very real things that happen when you’re sick, that strongly play into being a wife. 

As MrH’s wife, even after all this thought about what it could, should, or might mean to be that, I still have this deep desire to be a “good” wife.  Maybe I’m trying to redefine that, or perhaps I’m actually still just totally stereotypical; that’s not the point.  I still want to be that fun, smart, beautiful woman that MrH saw when he married me.  Being sick, anxious, tired, or cranky don’t fall into that category, and so I resent it when I am. 

There’s a real danger that can happen when you let your guard down all the time: without consciously trying, you do loose some of that spark that you saw in each other to begin with.  As I get more tired, more stressed, or more sick, I just want to come home and vegetate.  Not the most attractive state.  Sometimes, it just takes some effort to be that cool, strong, spunky woman you both like so much.

I’m NOT saying we should be all dolled up a la 50s for our husbands all the time.  But when I don’t do that any time, I do think it affects how we view each other.  Yes, he loves me all the time, in sickness and in health – and MrH is fantastic at truly living that.  And yet, when I’m sick for a couple of days, I wish to feel better at least partially so I can go back to being the fun and cute wife I want to be.

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