My Favorite Spot

Today I get to spend the day at my desk with the everchanging view of a large maple tree. A Nor’easter is dumping snow on us just as fast as it can, and the region has closed up shop. A great way to start the week!

Finding this perfect spot in our home has been such a blessing to me – not only do I get a view that helps me pretend like I’m out in nature, I also get to see the comings and goings of our neighbors (yup, I’m that neighbor!). There is good light in this room, and because of it’s smaller size, it’s actually one of the warmer spots in our home. Since it’s the guestroom I also get to spread out. The only downside is that I don’t use it when we have guests staying here. Though the pleasure of having friends in our home far outweighs that!

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Loving Someone Daily

“What does it look like to love my husband, daily?”  A newlywed friend asked me recently.  “When we were dating it was easy, but now… seems like between figuring out how to run our home and get some alone time, I have no idea how to love him anymore.”  I agree with her that seeing your spouse every single day is vastly different than while you’re dating (note: most of these differences I think are attributed to the line between living together and not living together and I realize that line isn’t dating/marriage for everyone).   Partially, it’s just simple math.  Whereas before you only “had” to do fun, sweet things every week or so, now you see one another every day.  Surely you’re not supposed to bake cookies every day!  But I think it’s also related to the fact that your two lives are now so much more intertwined; issues for which you used to each have independent responsibility are now topics of conversation: “By the way, did you ever find the batteries?” “Hey, did we ever pay the dentist’s bill?”  “Let’s stop and get some laundry detergent.”  While dating, these topics simply didn’t make an appearance!

I think there’s one more thing.  Your love changes from a mostly self-centered love (“does he make me feel good?” “do we have fun together?” “is he good to me?”) to a much more other-centered love.  Questions I began asking once married are “Am I a good wife to him?” “Do I inspire him to be more fully himself?” “Do I give him enough freedom to change?”  Those are much more difficult questions to ask and answer because the answer is less clear-cut.  If he’s growing and changing, then what does that mean for me, and for us?  How do you continue to know him so well that you can answer these kinds of questions, while continuing to run a household together?  How do you keep those questions in a place of higher regard than the once about laundry, dishes, sweeping, and how we’re spending our money?

So yes, the way we love our spouses must change, and all we can do is hope that our dating/engagement lives have laid a strong foundation for that to happen.  What changed for you?

Heroes

Happy friggin’ new year to you too!  I sit here and watch the snow/rain/slush/wintry mix coming down, blowing so it’s sometimes horizontal, sometimes at a 45 degree angle.  It’s supposed to snow more inland, where my fabric store is that carries the fabric of which I need more.  I thought I’d only need a 1/2 yard, turns out it’s 3/4!  Grumpifying.

MrH and I have recently “discovered” the tv show Heroes, as well as the Netflix “watch instantly” function.  We’re immersed in season one, it’s completely addictive, and probably not very good for my soul.   I don’t usually watch stuff with so much death and action.  I get really wrapped up in the characters’ stories and lives and start feeling unsettled in my own.  But somehow, this show drew me in in a different way: the big questions it poses about life, free choice and destiny, mission, trust, and identity are fascinating and I enjoy being along for the ride.  Except when it unsettles me.  The big question is whether to delve into the unsettledness, or brave the weather and pick out some gorgeous fabrics to pacify myself.  I’ve learned that the latter is sometimes a better option for me.